Back on the horse

I find it so difficult to sit down and dedicate the time to writing.  I have so much on my mind but just taking the time to put all down on paper gets away from me.  So much is always going on, Boy is growing by leaps and bounds and has completely metamorphosed into a little boy.  He's 22 months now and is so active and verbal and expressive.  The terrible twos has been rearing it's head every so often as he tries to proclaim his independence.  I'm six months pregnant with number 2, which has been exciting and scary at the same time.  Luckily, my pregnancy has been going well, accept that I got huge, fast.  At 6 months I look like I'm ready to burst any second.  Boy was a big baby and the new one is shaping up to much the same.  It's hard making it through the work day knowing I'll be on leave in a few months.  We have a lot of decisions to make about how much time I'll take and about Boy in daycare.  I would like to keep him there at least a few days a week.  I loves all the kids and his caretakers and we have never had any separation anxiety with him.  Financial it will be a strain because I will not be getting paid while on leave but I really think he needs the stimulation a few days a week.  Plus, it would give me one on one time with the new baby and help ease the adjustment period for all of us.  I keep thinking at some point everything will fall into its own rhythm and get easier.  Every time we have our routine down and I feel on top of the ball, something changes.  Food will no longer be eaten, bedtimes change, my own exhaustion fluctuates, the weather changes , etc etc.  It's hard to imagine how it is going to be times two.  But I can't wait for a little baby again.  The noises, and the smells, and the little movements they make with their hands and mouth. 

Baby fever

As I watch Boy grow so fast and gain confidence in my mothering, I can't help but want to do it all again.  The problem with that is I know what to expect when expecting. 

I am 36, so my clock is ticking loudly and my window for opportunity is closing.  We have always wanted more than one child.  Not only for ourselves but we understand the importance of siblings.  My husband is one of seven and I am close with my sister.  There is a certain closeness that you can only get with family.  Boy is the only child on my side and the youngest by 9 years on my husbands so without even cousins close in age we really want to be able to give him a sibling.

I loved being pregnant the first time.  We were very lucky that I got pregnant the first month we tried.  I had been nervous at the start because you never know until you try if there will be any issues.  I found the prospect of charting daunting and really didn't want to do it.  I figured we would try the first month, and if we were unsuccessful I would start charting my basal temperature.  Luckily I had a "by the book" 28 day cycle, so we were able to time everything perfectly and when I was two days late a test confirmed the greatest news ever.  I then read every book, which prepared me for every possible side effect.  I stocked up on ginger ale and crackers and waited for morning sickness, which never came.  Besides being tired and getting a horrific cold the 2nd month, everything was great.  There were bouts of heartburn, incessant kicking and horrific cankling it was noting like some of the stories I read.  Even as my due date came and went, my induction failed and we relented to a c-section, I felt blessed by my whole experience.  Even my recovery went well. Strangely, this worries me for the next time.  Like I'm tempting fate.