Just relax

I hate being told to relax, it is one of my biggest pet peeves.  It gives the automatic impression to me that the person feels I'm overreacting and then makes me want to illustrate what an overreaction really looks like.  I admit that I am a little high strung.  I like things to be well planned and can get a little anxious when things don't go accordingly, but decompress pretty quickly once I get my bearings.  If someone feels the need to tell me to "relax" or "calm down" at that time it irritates me to no end.  It validates my insecurities and reinforces my feeling that I don't have any support.  Especially as a new mother, there are many times I feel flustered, mostly during times when I am outside my comfort zone and trying to navigate a new situation.  The last thing I want to hear when I'm already overheated and stressed is that relaxation is going to help me stop my child from hurting themselves or destroying everything in arms reach.  The worst is being told to relax when I actually feel pretty relaxed and at ease, they feeling dissipates immediately and I end up feeling defensive. 

Back on the horse

I find it so difficult to sit down and dedicate the time to writing.  I have so much on my mind but just taking the time to put all down on paper gets away from me.  So much is always going on, Boy is growing by leaps and bounds and has completely metamorphosed into a little boy.  He's 22 months now and is so active and verbal and expressive.  The terrible twos has been rearing it's head every so often as he tries to proclaim his independence.  I'm six months pregnant with number 2, which has been exciting and scary at the same time.  Luckily, my pregnancy has been going well, accept that I got huge, fast.  At 6 months I look like I'm ready to burst any second.  Boy was a big baby and the new one is shaping up to much the same.  It's hard making it through the work day knowing I'll be on leave in a few months.  We have a lot of decisions to make about how much time I'll take and about Boy in daycare.  I would like to keep him there at least a few days a week.  I loves all the kids and his caretakers and we have never had any separation anxiety with him.  Financial it will be a strain because I will not be getting paid while on leave but I really think he needs the stimulation a few days a week.  Plus, it would give me one on one time with the new baby and help ease the adjustment period for all of us.  I keep thinking at some point everything will fall into its own rhythm and get easier.  Every time we have our routine down and I feel on top of the ball, something changes.  Food will no longer be eaten, bedtimes change, my own exhaustion fluctuates, the weather changes , etc etc.  It's hard to imagine how it is going to be times two.  But I can't wait for a little baby again.  The noises, and the smells, and the little movements they make with their hands and mouth.