33 weeks

I am a horrible blogger.  I just can't find the motivation to sit and put my thoughts down. 

We're at 33 weeks and counting, the little nugget will be here before we know it.  It's funny how the second time around we are so much more laid back in regards to all the gear you have to get.  Granted, since Boy is only 2 we have mostly everything we need, except for the big stuff.  I did order a crib and snagged a double stroller for a deal but nothing has been put together yet.  Last time we set the nursery up months in advance and then watched it collect dust waiting for the little guy to arrive.  By the time he was born everything had to be rewashed and hung back up.  So, this time it's a little more go with the flow.  It's an attitude I've been forced to adapt to and had to realize I control very little around me anymore.
 I remember sitting in childbirth classes two years ago and hearing the instructor tell us that we had very little control over the birthing process and the sooner we accepted that the better.  At first I thought it was a bit harsh, but after my birthing experience was not at all what I planned aside from holding that beautiful baby at the end, I realized that she was dead on.  Things get a lot easier once you realize there are some things you just can't control and you spend less time mourning your expected results and more time embrace the outcomes. 

Just relax

I hate being told to relax, it is one of my biggest pet peeves.  It gives the automatic impression to me that the person feels I'm overreacting and then makes me want to illustrate what an overreaction really looks like.  I admit that I am a little high strung.  I like things to be well planned and can get a little anxious when things don't go accordingly, but decompress pretty quickly once I get my bearings.  If someone feels the need to tell me to "relax" or "calm down" at that time it irritates me to no end.  It validates my insecurities and reinforces my feeling that I don't have any support.  Especially as a new mother, there are many times I feel flustered, mostly during times when I am outside my comfort zone and trying to navigate a new situation.  The last thing I want to hear when I'm already overheated and stressed is that relaxation is going to help me stop my child from hurting themselves or destroying everything in arms reach.  The worst is being told to relax when I actually feel pretty relaxed and at ease, they feeling dissipates immediately and I end up feeling defensive. 

Back on the horse

I find it so difficult to sit down and dedicate the time to writing.  I have so much on my mind but just taking the time to put all down on paper gets away from me.  So much is always going on, Boy is growing by leaps and bounds and has completely metamorphosed into a little boy.  He's 22 months now and is so active and verbal and expressive.  The terrible twos has been rearing it's head every so often as he tries to proclaim his independence.  I'm six months pregnant with number 2, which has been exciting and scary at the same time.  Luckily, my pregnancy has been going well, accept that I got huge, fast.  At 6 months I look like I'm ready to burst any second.  Boy was a big baby and the new one is shaping up to much the same.  It's hard making it through the work day knowing I'll be on leave in a few months.  We have a lot of decisions to make about how much time I'll take and about Boy in daycare.  I would like to keep him there at least a few days a week.  I loves all the kids and his caretakers and we have never had any separation anxiety with him.  Financial it will be a strain because I will not be getting paid while on leave but I really think he needs the stimulation a few days a week.  Plus, it would give me one on one time with the new baby and help ease the adjustment period for all of us.  I keep thinking at some point everything will fall into its own rhythm and get easier.  Every time we have our routine down and I feel on top of the ball, something changes.  Food will no longer be eaten, bedtimes change, my own exhaustion fluctuates, the weather changes , etc etc.  It's hard to imagine how it is going to be times two.  But I can't wait for a little baby again.  The noises, and the smells, and the little movements they make with their hands and mouth. 

My two cents

on Fonzie.

Why do people think he is so cool?  He lives in the Cunningham's garage and hangs out with a bunch of high school nerds.  Is it the leather jacket that gives the impression of superiority?  The sweet pompadour?  The limited vocabulary?  He appears to have no friends his own age (I have guesstimated him to be about 30) and spends an inordinate amount of time in a public restroom. 
I can understand that he was the best prospect for a girl like Laverne or Pinky Tuscadero but I don't really understand why the other flocks of high schoolers who worship him.
Growing up there was a similiar character in my town.  His name is Hefe, he wears a lot of camoflauge and would buy us beer when he came around the local hangouts.  He was about 10-15 years older than us and even though he hung out with us no one ever thought he was "cool".  The last time I saw Hefe, his camoflauge outfir failed him and I could see him smoking crack in the bushes by the bus stop.

Joy

Ah, the joys of baby diarrhea.  The stink is finally starting to clear from the house and now we can start putting the pieces back together.  Literally, we have to put the highchair back together because he crapped all over it.  Who lets a baby with diarrhea not wear pants?  What was I expecting, that the diaper would suddenly start keeping it all in, especially in a seated position.  I deserved exactly what I got.

This week is the big "O", so I'm trying to drink as much wine and coffee as I can while I can.  And eat a big chunk of feta.  That reminds me, I should get a turkey sandwich this week too.  It's funny because last time I was pregnant I really felt like I missed the things I couldn't have, but once I could have them I didn't really want them.  I swore I was going to eat swordfish non-stop once the baby was born and then weaned, I still haven't had it.  I have definitely increased my alcohol and caffeine intake but not so much with the food.  I used to eat turkey everyday before I got pregnant but now I lost my taste for it.  It could also be that the last time I got turkey at the deli it was wet and nasty.

Good times

Nothing like opening a child's bedroom door at 1:30 AM and getting hit in the face with diarrhea stink.  This is our first bout of diarrhea and it is unmistakable.  I sometimes wondered if some of his breastmilk poops were diarrhea or his teething/drool poops were, but it is honestly unmistakable when it is the real deal.   The sweet boy handled it in stride as a put him, still dressed in his pajamas, in the bath tub to try and clean him.  He smiled and tried to find his bath toys.  My amazing husband who jumped out of bed to my distress calls and had the brains to bring a roll of paper towels.  I feel like I should also give credit to the lone blueberry that made it through.

snooze

I can not wait for my work day to be over.  I got a horrible nights sleep due to the wind and rain and I have been dragging all day.  Today was one of those days where everyone gets on my nerves.  I work with one woman, I'll call her Golda, who talks to herself all day.  She literally gives a play by play of what she's doing out loud.  Today she was trying to do something on the computer, It sounded a like this, "I guess I should click on this button.  I don't know why these machines are so hard. that button  there, that's should do the trick"  She then yelled to someone in a different room for instructions on which button precisely to press and then voiced her concern that her actions would "get lost in cyber space".  I thought I was going to scream.  A lot of days I wear my headphones but I just wasn't in the mood today but it was impossible not to get annoyed.  Golda, then called every single member of her family and yakked on the phone for hours about her various health ailments.  I have to give her credit that at 69 she drags her ass to work everyday especially when you do hear all of her health problems, but sometimes I want to tell her to shut the fuck up!!!!  Right now she trying to get another coworker to share jello with her.  I am not in the mood today.  I still have a cold and hubs is working late tonight which means I get wrestle that little alligator of a child into pajamas by myself.  He is generally the sweetest little boy until bedtime.  You would think that his pajamas were made of shards of glass the way he fights.  I have to sing the abc's the whole time,  to get him just docile enough to put his arms and legs in.  Once there zipped up, he's fine, like nothing happened and I'm left exhausted and sweating, looking like Randy "MachoMan" Savage: